The First

This year, I want to try to blog almost every single day, in an attempt to download more of my thoughts on “paper” instead of in my head. It’s going to be an ambitious project, but I hope that with this reflection, I’ll be able to discover (or re-discover) some truths that I haven’t seen before (or have forgotten).

I spent much of New Year’s Eve looking at social media, much to the detriment of my mental health. For some reason, even though I know that Instagram represents the best of what people’s lives are, I still cannot stop myself from comparing myself to them. Although, what is different now, I suppose, is that I’m a little bit more mature and compassionate, so that I can remind myself that even though someone has something, it doesn’t mean that I need to also have it. Abundance mindset, and all that, I suppose.

One of the things that I’m really hoping to happen this year for jiu jitsu is more simplicity and compassion for myself. I watched a video today that talked about the pitfalls of trying for “vertical” progress, which meant essentially attempting to fulfill a streak. What happens is that this sets us up for pressure in increasing magnitudes, because breaking a streak at day 10 feels a lot different than breaking a streak at day 100. Instead, we are to strive for “horizontal” progress. This is progress that is a lot like building a new road to reach the same destination, except this road might be built more efficiently and less painfully. So, it appears that finally there is a perspective that can be both about the journey and the destination, which appeals to my achiever mindset.

In terms of simplicity, I’m hoping that bringing down all of my obligations outside of jiu jitsu basically to zero is going to help with that in my life. I was juggling so many things on my calendar that it became hard to schedule or experience any of those things reasonably. I was constantly trying to calculate the most optimal times for anything. Since quitting personal training and winding down on my massage appointments/life coaching, there’s just been a lot less mental weight. I’ve been fortunate enough to have those experiences in the first place, but now, what I need is space. Lots and lots of space.

I’ve always wanted to know what it was like to have a day without an agenda. A few days in 2022, I was able to have those. I accomplished almost nothing but experienced life fully. It did not make me feel guilty at all, though I felt weird about the new-ness of it all. This year, I would hope for more days without an agenda.