Before I started this blog, I had a newsletter. I like to revisit my old writing from time to time. Here’s one what I really like.
It’s funny how we use a lot of templates in our lives. There’s a template for how we are supposed to behave at work. A template for family relationships. A template for success. A template for failure. I could go on and on about the templates that I use in my own life to judge my self-worth. It can literally be a spreadsheet that I go down and check certain things off, and I love it.
When I say “And I love it,” it’s not so much in my body that I accept it fully. I am trying to get to that point of overcoming the resistance so I can actually love something as opposed to hating it or resisting it. But I spoke about this one time in my article called “Why We Are Afraid of Movement” where I talk about how most people, if given a little shove, will take a step forward and keep running. And so in that way when I say “And I love it,” it’s more about loving the it, the thought, and not the feeling in of itself. The feeling will always be whatever it is, there’s no denying how you feel, but the thought can be changed and will change the second that you start loving it.
I’m doing a program called The Limitation Game by Kyle Cease. Yesterday what came out of it was that I told David about something in my younger life that I was ashamed and afraid of. Once that came out it felt like a weight had been cast off me. It feels stupid to use that common phrase, but if it describes the universal human experience of finally confronting yourself for who you once were and who you are, then so be it. I feel better and more refreshed than I have in the past few weeks.
My friend Samantha says that once something comes up and you can’t ignore it, then it is probably something you have to address. And I like to ad that if something comes up and you do try to ignore it, it will probably become trauma later on.
Or if it is too much for you to think of that way then I’ll try another way of explaining things.
My cat Charley is my ego. Charley is hungry for attention and love almost the entire time. If I ignore him he cries constantly. He will cry and mournfully howl his way through all the corners of the room. Sometimes I’ll try to get him to shut up by giving him treats; other times we’ll realize, oops, we didn’t clean his litter box and he’s not having the most fun time with Po (who is the id) and is being swatted around. So then you have to tell Charley that it’s okay, that he’s going to live and he won’t be abandoned again (his first set of “forever family” gave him back) and that yes, he will get love from us and that he will get fed at a decent hour. And when things get really busy in the kitchen and the dishwasher is running, and Charley is crying again because he can’t handle the noise, then sometimes we put a Thundershirt on him and he knows that he is being loved and hugged and touched somewhat indirectly with a vest. Your ego will also want to sit in every single chair that you sit in and sleep in all the places where you are trying to sleep. Your ego will also howl endlessly at closed doors because that’s a problem that it wants to create when you’re just trying to get some privacy from the world.
Charley also loves being stroked.
Like an ego. In case you lost the analogy already.
Your ego wants to get all of the attention. If you ignore it for too long it will start to cry and mew and throw temper tantrums because it is still a small child that you have not yet realized has grown up. Your ego wants love and understanding and it is all that it has wanted since it has known of its existence.
Feed your ego. But not too much. Maybe in smaller bites if it has a tendency to swallow treats whole and then vomit it back up.